Carpe diem

Sometimes, people surprise you. Sometimes, people are exactly what you expect. Now, I don't mean that in either a good or a bad way. It is what it is.

For instance, sometimes, when travelling through, there are those people who you'd expect would make the time, possibly rearrange their schedules, in order to see you. Then there are those who you'd not expect to hear much from at all. We file these people away in their respective folders, then sometimes, out of no where, it's as if a two-year-old got a hold of the files and ran, guns blazing, around the room with the folders wide open, people and expectations being scattered every which way.

I guess this is the first time I've been passing through the old stomping grounds after I've reconnected with some old friends, friends who I haven't seen in a solid five to seven years. Our paths diverged, then re-joined, somewhere along the way, for whatever reason - it doesn't really matter what the reason is, what matters is that we've been given the opportunity to reignite something, and that something could be great. Every opportunity has the potential to be great. So, when you're given an opportunity, shouldn't you seize it? Carpe diem, my friends! Every chance.

At the other end of this spectrum, there are those whom you would suspect, because you tend to keep in touch regularly, or because you talk about getting together when you're in the same place, or whatever, that you would meet up with these people once said circumstances are present. Then, nothing. Or, excuses. I'm not one to force people to spend time on me, but like I said, sometimes, there are those whom you would expect to spend time together with. Now, not to say that I don't feel a little disappointed by this, but that's life, and who am I to suggest that time spent with me is any more important than time spent doing something else? I don't take it personally - it is what it is. How we each spend our life is based on a series of choices and I'm not in the position to judge how others choose to spend their lives.

But, then I wonder sometimes, especially when our time is so limited, why we don't seize these opportunities? I'm reminded of a blog I read on a regular basis, which addressed these same thoughts. Mark Kolke's Morning Musings read:

"Too soon, too far, and too much are not barriers to great relationships or great ideas... and they are so much better than too little, too late, too bad, too inconvenient, too much water under the bridge or too much trouble."

Ain't that the truth? So, why then, do we put off, and make excuses to ignore these opportunities? I know this advice is now coming from an unemployed, twenty-something, who is living with her mother, and has essentially the most open schedule in human history, but even when my circumstances were different, I recognized the importance of making the most of the opportunities we've been given. Strangely enough, that's what got me to where I am now!

Then there are those whom one can go without constant contact. They're what I like to refer to as "friend soul mates". Friend soul mates are those whom we have such deep connections with, that we can go months, if not years between telephone calls, e-mails, Facebook messages, and visits, but once you're back together, or back on the phone, or exchanging those e-mails, there's no hard feelings, no expectations for one person to apologize for not keeping in touch, no awkwardness or guilt. These low-maintenance friendships come from a connection on the soulular level (ha! geek joke - cellular, soulular.. get it?). They're those friendships you feel in your heart, like there is always a string that keeps you connected on some interstellar level - like a "tin-can-and-string telephone", but the string can reach to infinity.

That being said, I like having my expectations put in check - it keeps me on my toes and reminds me that humanity will always be unpredictable, exciting, unexpected, wonderful.

No matter which category a person fits in, I'm glad they are there. Whether we catch up regularly or once in a blue moon, on the internet or in person or on the phone, I'm thankful because not everyone can be a friendship soul mate, but every choice and every person in my life is of value.

The Beginning of the End...

... or is it the beginning of the beginning? Or, am I in the middle of some strange, nowhere-going continuum? I guess I’m going to have to get back to you on that one; but in the meantime, let me set the mood for you.

It’s spring of 2008. An emotionally and psychologically drained twenty-something has finally completed her goal of achieving academic stature after four long years, countless classes, innumerable study sessions, papers, exams, mental breakdowns, and a daunting 63-page paper, lovingly referred to as a “thesis”. That’s right, I dominated academia. No big deal.

Next challenge: make best attempt at being an adult.

Step 1: Move across the country with boyfriend of one year and get a place together.

Step 2: Find a big girl job that pays decently and has some sort of comprehensive benefits package.

Step 3: Accumulate some things to fill said apartment.

Step 4: Have enough money after bills, rent, student loans and groceries to lead some sort of meagre existence.

Mission: accomplished… and then some! Huzzah!

Or is it? I've never been one to be satisfied by what society views as accomplishments. In both my personal and professional life I begin to hear that little voice inside saying, "this isn't okay". I know that it's right. I know that since I can remember, I've always listened to that little voice and I've always done what it told me. It's always guided me in the right direction, toward happiness; but this time, the voice was really quiet - on its deathbed, perhaps. My passion was being suffocated by the things I had allowed into my life, things that didn't satisfy me at that deeper level, but that were just there to show the world how well I was doing "according to them". Sure, I had a long-term boyfriend, a nice apartment, dogs, a flat screen TV, I travelled, I had nice clothes, I worked my way up in my organization, and I received accolades from my peers for these said "accomplishments". But, deep down, I was totally unchallenged, unfulfilled, unimpressed, and unhappy. As M. Scott Peck once said, however, "The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers."

So now, it's time to hit rock bottom. Time to take a long hard look at my life. Time to pick myself up, brush myself off and tell myself to get a grip! There’s no way in h-e-double-hockey-sticks that I’m going to live my life in misery, accepting defeat, accepting mediocrity. Momma didn’t raise no fool.

I needed to be re-inspired. I needed to get out my spiritual defibrillator and bring my passion back to life. But how? I need to find some like-minded people to get me excited about my life again and, although I didn't know it at the time, I would find them at one of the best places in the world: the "Disney World" for music-loving adults, Bonnaroo Music and Arts Festival. I can't even express in words the experience I had at Bonnaroo, all I can tell you is that I felt re-born. That little voice inside was no longer whispering to me on its deathbed, but it was the lead singer of a death metal band and it was screaming its directions to me on how I should move forward with life to find my happiness again. I was hearing it loud and clear and I was ready to make a move.

Flash-forward: it’s August 26th, 2010 at approximately 3:28pm. I have a lump in my throat the size of Pluto (don’t hate on Pluto just because it’s not a planet anymore). I am perspiring from places I didn’t think perspired. And I’m standing outside the doorway to my Director’s office with a letter of resignation in my hand. Now, I know you’re asking yourself, “Why would this successful twenty-something with a new lease on life be throwing away a profession that she’s worked her way up to, from the bottom, in just two years. She makes good money, especially for someone her age. She gets to work on interesting projects. She can actually afford her student loan payments and she still has enough money left over for all her other bills, clothes and travel. Man, this girl is crazy.”

That, my friends, is where you’re dead wrong.

A mentor once said to me, "You work to live, Allie. You don't live to work." She's absolutely right. Why should I keep doing something that doesn't make me happy when I know there is so much more out there? So you might be wondering, "What is this young gal going to do since she's giving up everything that she worked so hard to accomplish?"

Step 1: Go home to Nova Scotia to see family and friends.

Step 2: Go on a cross-Canada/US road trip to see places, family, friends, musicians and sporting events.

Step 3: Meet up with Dad in the US and travel the countryside.

Step 4: ???????

Step 5: Profit!

Just kidding about Step 5, I probably won't be making any money, but I'll be travelling for free (in return for my cooking / cleaning / set-up services), seeing the US, meeting lots of new people, and getting to know my Dad and Step-mom, Lorraine, better.

The way I see it, I can only get away with being a non-contributing member of society for so long before people start thinking I'm just lazy and lacking motivation. So, here goes nothing!